Monday, December 28, 2015

2015 Year in Review

2015 came and went so fast for me.  It started horrible, the middle was mediocre, and the ending has been better than I could have imagined.  But if you were to ask me 10 years from now how 2015 was for me, my immediate response would be horrible.

The year 2015 taught me many valuable lessons about others.  It showed me how strong I really am, and I was able to implement the lessons learned in 2014 into the year 2015 which is always a good thing that shows growth.

It all began with a broken tibia/fibula and kneecap towards the end of January.  I was transferring to a surface that I didn't know was not stable and immediately fell into a very narrow area in which my body had to contort into formation.  I immediately heard the sound of a bone breaking - one that I'm all too familiar with over the years.  Thankfully I was at my parents house when it happened, but because I've been through this whole routine before, I waited about a half hour before calling 911 (there was no way I was able to get out of the position I was in and back into my wheelchair, let alone transfer in and out of a car to the Emergency Room without the use of paramedics and an ambulance).  My family was able to gather stuff I knew I'd need for the long haul since I knew I'd be admitted and surgery would be happening.  I knew it was broken not only from the sound, but when I looked down at my leg, I had two "knee caps" rather than one... turns out that was my tibia pushing into my skin.  Ouch!

All of this happened just about a week before I was to scheduled to move back to California, but as God always does, He worked this out in MY favor to get me out of a horrible, emotionally abusive relationship.  Emotional abuse is far more damaging than a slap or a punch, in my opinion.  The thing with emotional abuse is that most women don't realize it's happening until it is almost too late.  I was one of those women.  It is a form of abuse where the perpetrator uses fear in the most subtle way to control the victim.  Everything in the beginning is rainbows and butterflies - almost making you believe it's too good to be true.  And when he keeps doing the same "good things," you start to believe that maybe he is the real deal.  At that point, you begin to trust him, let down your guard, and believe everything he says.  This is exactly when he swoops in and begins to slowly demean you.  I was taken advantage of on multiple occasions including when I was in the hospital after breaking my leg.  In a matter of 6 months, I was yelled at, talked down to, belittled, forced to choose him "or else," put up with his disregard for my morals, began isolating me from friends and family, was blamed for things that were clearly his fault, controlled at what I could and couldn't not do, and yet told to smile so that no one would know the truth of what was happening.  I am so thankful to Jesus that I was spared from even more harm than was already done and that my family was there to fully support and protect me in all ways.  If you or someone you know is in an emotionally abusive relationship, please reach out to them and be bold about making it known what is happening.  Research the characteristics of what emotional abuse is if you think it is happening to you, and most of all, be brave enough to say "NO!" You are not his first victim, and you will not be his last.  Reach out for help and get out!

Breaking my leg also made me realize from what the doctors told me was that this break more than likely happened from a fracture that I had unknowingly already had from a previous fall, and since it takes my bones so long to heal, it could have happened at any point.  Ha!  Well, there wasn't just one fall.  I'm pretty sure I fell every day while I was in Europe last Fall 2014, and many times I was alone when I fell - even though I watched the ground and was as careful as I could be.  Life happens, though.

I was forced to bed rest for a good four months for my leg to heal and then put into physical therapy.  This led to a lot of thinking time!  I was able to process a few things.
  • 99% of the time, three is a crowd
  • Two people will always cling together leaving one person left out
  • People aren't always who they seem to be
  • Just because you are family doesn't mean they will be nice to you
  • Some people will always harbor bitterness and grudges in their heart that are unable to be fixed by me, no matter how many times I reach out
  • People's true colors come out in hard times
  • It's important to clearly communicate expectations or needs
Around June, I was able to start becoming a bit more independent in my life, though my leg was a big hinderance (even to this day it gives me trouble.)  I spent my 15 Year Anniversary of my accident swimming in Lake Burton during a beautiful sunset.  It was everything I could have asked for.

I thought my almost 14 year old cat, Sheeba, wasn't going to make it as her kidneys are beginning to slowly shut down.  I was almost put in a position where I would have had to decide to put her down due to her failing health.  However, I'm thankful to say that though she still struggles with her kidney's, she displays all other normal acts of affection, purring, playfulness, and eating/drinking.  So, it looks like she'll make it into the new year!

Throughout this time while laid up at my parents house, I was able to spend time with each of my immediate family members which is precious time I'll never get back. Yes, there were some ups and downs as all families have, but I am grateful that I especially was able to get closer to my brother and dad. 

I learned that if something happens to you and its details are told to someone else, eventually the story ends up like the game "Telephone" and becomes much more dramatic. Things are added as the story gets retold to other people.  It made me remember to always go to the original source first for details before believing what others say that "such and such" said.  Hearsay means information received from other people that one cannot adequately substantiate.  In other words, it becomes a rumor.  While my immediate family became closer than ever before this year, I feel that my extended family on one side grew further apart from our family.  It's unfortunate and something that I hope changes in the new year.

In July, I began looking to move back out to California, and while looking for a house, I later instead found a man that I will forever love.  It has been the most open, honest, realest, loving relationship I've ever been in and one that I know will continue far into 2016 and years beyond.  He is my other half and the one I know loves me unconditionally without fail.  I had become severely jaded about men and relationships, especially after the last one from earlier in the year, but I can proudly say I am the luckiest woman ever to share my life with this man!  He is everything and more, someone who was worth the wait, and it's clear that God brought him into my life for a definite reason.  2016 will be awesome!

This year, I had a White Christmas for the first time since 2012 and woke up surrounded by love and purity.  It was a beautiful morning and afternoon reveling in the goodness that surrounds me.  

2015 taught me many lessons, but more so it helped me stand up for what I believe in and affirm that the person I am is someone who I am proud of.  I am thankful for my immediate family and those that have offered advice and a listening ear.  I am thankful for the tears that made me stronger as an individual.  I am thankful that I can think for and be myself.  I don't have to put on a fake face for others in order to make them happy.  I am thankful that I learned it's okay to let go of people who are not positive people in my life.  I learned to stand up for what I believe, even if it goes against the norm.  And most of all, I am beyond proud to be ME - a woman with her own beliefs, feelings, attitude, care, concern, love, compassion, sensitivity, heart, and talents that make me into the person that Alyson Roth is in real life.  Why?  Because the life I have been creating for years since being a young adult have formulated into the contributing member of society that I am now, and I am proud of who I am!

2016, I am ready for you and all the positivity, love, and sense of solidarity that life will be bringing me in the new year!  I am ready to work towards making the world a better place by continuing with my own self improvement and combining it with other like-minded people to spread joy, wherever that may be.  Remember that you cannot correct what you are unwilling to confront. And in all the things I do, may it be to glorify the Lord.

Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,