Sunday, December 11, 2011

An Apple A Day

This past week has been fairly rough for me. I have done a lot of reflecting on certain situations, and two that predominantly stick out for me is that 1) I cannot allow others' actions to create a reaction in me, and 2) I need to be true to who I am rather than who I think people want/expect me to be.

I had a major meltdown Monday evening triggered by someone else's actions (or lack thereof.) It brought me to a very low place - similar to that of where I was this past summer around the anniversary of when my disability occurred 11 years ago. I cried and cried, then cried some more as my mind and emotions spiraled downward. I knew better than to try to fight this alone, so I reached out to a friend who calmed me down.

The next day was not so awesome either, but I forced myself to go to work as I knew it was better to be around people than to be alone. Later that evening, I had to go to the Apple store to get my laptop fixed. I had just shot pictures of an event the previous weekend and needed to get them processed but was unable to because of my laptop not charging. Earlier that morning, I had prayed to God that he would please show me that He cared, saw my tears, and heard my hurt heart.

The Apple "Genius" looked at my computer (mind you, they had just fixed this same problem last week) and said he'd have to send it out to get fixed. I could tell he was in a hurry, he was working through his lunch break, and probably was just trying to get me out the door. But, I told him I couldn't go without a computer because I had projects I needed to have completed, especially since this was just fixed a few days ago. I was beyond frustrated now, especially with the mood I was in emotionally with the triggers that were surrounding me. This was the last thing I needed.

Long story short, the Apple guy decided to give me a BRAND NEW MacBook Pro. I literally think time stopped. I asked him if I was being punked and he said, "No, it's yours. For free." ????

I immediately started crying. I knew it was God speaking to me. He looked at me and I shared with him about my disability and the emptiness I had been feeling the last two days and how I had prayed that God would pleeeease just make Himself evident to me that he still was here for me. I told him that what he just did was the answer to the prayer I had prayed. I think he was as shocked as I was in a different way to which he asked if he could hug me. He said that I still have a task to do here on earth. Again, I knew that was straight from God.

I'm still in shock and can't believe that God spoke to me in such a powerful way. Only two people knew how I was really feeling the night prior. There are days that I think that God is going to heal me. And there are days that I'm super confident where I KNOW God is going to heal me. And then there are days that were triggered by this person to where I wonder if God even cares. God showed up at the Apple Store that evening and provided the "burning bush" I needed.

I arrived home and about an hour later got a phone call from a good friend who I met through the Ms. Wheelchair California pageant last year. She asked if I was interested in participating in something that literally was another "burning bush" moment from God that gave me hope to believe in hope! I'm sitting here in the San Diego airport typing this blog as we speak headed to a once in a lifetime opportunity to which I'm so, so blessed and thankful.

I don't believe things happen coincidentally. Especially in this instance, there is no way that these two things could have happen almost simultaneously. God is for real, people! No matter how doubting, "bad", or angry you are, He still cares! (And sometimes throws in a new laptop on top of it all!)

I have learned in this past week not to surround myself with unhealthy people or people that will only bring me down. I'm in such a good place now that I've released these negative thoughts and attitudes, and it's apparent because God is blessing my realization for dependency on Him. I learned to be okay with who I am and not be what I think others expect me to be. I am an individual, unique, and amazing person who God created to do a certain task that no one else can do. I can't be someone else, because that would be intruding on their life path. Mine is my own. And the awesome part is that I get to choose who is a part of it. I don't have time anymore for unauthentic people. So as I begin to wrap up 2011, I'm slowly starting to reevaluate my relationships, priorities, and responsibilities so that 2012 is the best ever!