Tuesday, April 5, 2011

On the Verge

A soft brush of wind across my face is a welcomed reminder that God exists. I don't doubt that He exists, not one bit. But when you feel something you can't see, that's faith.

My faith has been tested the last few months in various situations. For example, I've become more sensitive to the hurting needs of those around me. Perhaps it's that the friendships are deep. Or maybe it's that I'm just paying attention. Either way, my heart and spirt have yearned to pray for them. I oftentimes find myself falling asleep at night with a prayer on the cusp of my breathe. I know God knows my heart nonetheless. In other ways, I've been tested personally with my own faith with trusting God when things come up unexpectedly.

I'm on the verge of something good where I feel more in control than out of control. For awhile there, it seemed as if I was spinning - doing a lot of things, but not a lot of things well. I feel that God has narrowed my view to pinpointing where it is He wants to use me best for the Kingdom. Again, I feel this yearning to learn, to give, to teach, and to trust. It's the same analogy that I used at the beginning of this blog. I feel God's breathe on my face, but I don't know why I need the air. However, because of His provision and promise to guide, protect, and build me to be more like Him, I know that whatever is on the verge is good. Why? Because I know what it's like to be on the other side without Him. And what it's like to feel the ugly. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to proser you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Transition is good. But with that said, I'm not one who likes drastic, immediate change. I've always been kidded for not moving past the childlike, 4 year old stage of constantly asking "Why?" I'm the type of person who needs to understand it in order to believe in it or trust it to move forward. Do I need to know the entire picture? No. But it needs to make sense of some sort. So, to just pick me up and drop me in ... oh, let's say, Yugoslavia (does that country even exist anymore?)... I don't know that I'd do so well. Don't get me wrong, I'd make it somehow, but I'd like to at least know how to say "Where's the bathroom?"

All this to say, I feel that God has prepared me the past several years for something big, and it's refreshing to feel that wind against my face and feel content with wherever it is He's leading me.

I see life as a big puzzle. God has the box top that shows the picture of what it's supposed to look like, and little by little, I'm slowing putting the pieces together. It's a good feeling to be here, to have the edges of the puzzle already framed in, and to begin filling in towards the center. What a glorious day it will be when I reach Heaven and can look back on the life I had, see the entire puzzle put together, and hear "Well done!" from my Saviour, Jesus Christ.

Somewhat unrelated, but this is a song I had on repeat throughout my college days by an old-school Christian band called FFH. (If you've heard of them, holla!) Love this song.

God's moving!

(The picture above is from my wonderful photographer friend, Carl Calabria. He took this picture of the "Super Moon" that happened about a month ago and only occurs every 18 years. You can see more of his fantastic work and read about his beautiful family by clicking here.)