Whatever It Takes

I can't believe it's already the beginning of February. I love living in California during this time of the year when the rest of the country seems to be living in negative degree temperatures. This picture was taken while in Palm Springs a few weeks ago. The weather was nearly perfect in so many ways, and the landscape to which my eyes were able to be saturated with was like a spa resort for my mind. I was able to let my mind "shut off" for a moment and bask in God's goodness.

He has been so good to me. He has done GREAT things for me. When I think about the Lord - how He saved me, how he raised me, how he picked me up and placed my feet on solid ground - it makes me want to say "Hallelujah Thank You Jesus!" Lord you are worthy of all of my praise.

But I've seen the other side of all this goodness. I've been through the trenches, cried the tears, and felt the heartache. And I have close, dear friends who are there now. It makes my heart yearn for their healing, but it's also given me a new perspective to how people may or may not have known how to respond to me when I was in my depths of despair. Some of the situations my friends are going through, I have no experience in. I don't feel valuable enough to give adequate advice at the least. However, I know that pain is pain and it all feels horrible, so that is what I try to relate to - and how I allowed Jesus to lead me through it and out of it.

I recently went back to the place I was raised on a work trip but was able to visit with my family as well. While there, I visited the church where I was raised during my early years in school. My mom is still the church organist there after 20 something years. They have done a lot of renovation on the church, and much of it doesn't even look the same as how I remember it. But, there is one part of the church which almost looks untouched - the chapel.

I remember so many Sunday nights spent in that chapel with the hard wooden pews that looked as if they had been there since the Civil War era. As a little girl, I remember whenever I would get bored with the sermon, I would stare and admire the beautiful stain-glassed windows that depicted various scenes in the Bible. I remember one Sunday particularly well. It was a Sunday evening and we were in that old chapel sitting on those old wooden pews. I was a scrawny 9 year old girl at the time - late 1980's, and sitting next to my mom who was close to the same age as I am now. I was young and innocent, not knowing all there was to this concept of Christianity, but something that the pastor said that evening tugged at my heart. I had been in church long enough to know who Jesus was, what he did for me, and how to live with Him forever. I knew that tug I was feeling in my heart was Jesus.

During the invocation, I looked at my mom and whispered to her that I wanted to get saved from my sins and become a Christian. I wanted to walk down the aisle by myself and accept Jesus as the leader of my life and do right by Him and His word. I was excited to start this new life with Jesus! But instead of walking down the aisle that night, my mom whispered back to me and said kindly as more of a command than a question, "Why don't you wait until next Sunday when your dad is here." I felt deflated, and I also remember praying that entire week that Jesus wouldn't come back to get us because in my little 9 year old mind, I wouldn't get to go to Heaven and instead, I'd be going to Hell.

Thankfully the next week came, Jesus didn't come (smiling), and I was able to profess my faith to the congregation in the "big church" on Sunday morning and later get baptized. But a few weeks ago, now 2011, as I looked into that old chapel with the old wooden pews, my eyes immediately focused in on the area where I stood as a little 9 year old girl, whispering to my mom that I wanted to be a Christian. My mom was with me again on this evening, 20 something years later, and I told her about that experience. She had no recollection of the event or conversation.

There are so many things in life that change in which we don't have any control over. The church I grew up in has changed from how I remember it, friends who I thought would always be in my life have come and gone, objects that I thought I'd never get rid of have since been given to Goodwill, and as I get older, it seems that things change faster and faster.

Yes, change and pain will continue to happen. I remember thinking once I became a Christian that I wouldn't fight with my brother anymore, that my dad would stop drinking, my grandma wouldn't get older, and that life would become happy and rosey. The opposite happened in many instances, and so much was out of my control. It confused me, yet I still kept praying to Jesus that He'd take it all away and make it better.

But it's good to know that a few things in life stay the same. I believe in my heart that that night when I was 9 years old telling my mom that I wanted to become a Christian, that Jesus heard me. It didn't matter whether or not I walked down the aisle and signed the piece of paper. It didn't matter if my dad was there or not to witness this act of obedience. All that mattered is that I knew what it took to be with Jesus forever and that He would be my sustenance throughout life. I quickly learned that even as a Christian, I would still continue to fight with my brother, my grandmother ended up passing away, and life didn't end up perfect. I still sinned and didn't always do things "right." I still make decisions that I know I shouldn't do, and yet no matter how many times I seem to "mess up," God has enough grace to say "it's okay, I forgive you." No human I know can forgive as much as Jesus has and can. I have endured a lot of pain since that evening in the chapel, and it's my hope that I can somehow be there for those friends who are hurting during their time of desperation rather than saying "Why don't we wait until next week." Remember how much of an impact words can leave on a person.

So even though I feel so blessed right now for all the Lord has brought me through and picked me up out of, I am reminded of those who are still in that questioning mode if God remembers them. My prayer is that they are reminded - YOU are reminded - that whatever it takes, believe that there is a God who loves you, hears you, and isn't waiting until "next week" to listen to your prayers. Find a place where you can allow your mind to rest, enjoy the time and moments that Jesus gives you throughout the week to be with Him, and ask Him all the questions you want to know the answers to. In time, you will hear those answers if you're willing to listen.

Never would I have ever said "whatever it takes" about my car accident and paralysis, but through this event in my life, I have learned more about the character of Jesus, the make-up of people, and the love for myself that may or may not have happened if this incident hadn't have happened. But, whatever it takes. Lord, thank you for guiding me through the fire and for storing each of my tears in Heaven. I'm sure I have a big lake named after me up there! But from that pew in the chapel until I get to Heaven, I have to be willing to say "Whatever it takes."